Census questions always throw me off.

I don’t think of myself as “white” except in comparison to someone who is categorized by some other skintone. I’m certain that my caucasian skintone has played a big role in my life, but I think of myself as simply Jewish. While American Jewry is predominantly a caucasian population, there are African American, Asian, other “ethnicities” as a growing proportion of the population.

Anyways. I tend to think of myself as a minority in that way. It’s very obvious to me that America is a Christian nation. My nephew from Israel just didn’t get what the big deal is that there’s a NYC street named after Golda Meir; but to me and most Jews who have grown up in America and know Israeli and Jewish history, that’s a big thing.

At my current temp job, about half the employees are Israeli. It’s exciting for me to be around the language and culture again.

What was really exciting for me was when one of them brought in apples and started looking for honey. Apples and honey is a traditional Rosh Hashana treat – it’s to symbolize a sweet new year. I’m used to offices where maybe you get an electric menorah at Chanukah…. at this office, my cultural traditions get to take a forefront. We peeled and cut up the apples, and I poured out some honey from a honey bear, and we invited everyone to come try it. We taught them how to say “Shana Tova U’metukah” (a good and sweet year) before they went back to their cubicles. There were a lot of return trips for seconds and thirds and fourths!

Without planning to do so, I’ve been making a mental list of what I’m going to do once I’m earning a paycheck again. To be honest, I’d really love to be able to afford Chanukah presents. Gift giving is one of my highlights in life – I usually start planning for Chanukah as early as August. I may have to think homemade this year. I’m guessing pretty bags of cookies wouldn’t do so well shipped internationally? :-p

If I can get a fulltime job right away, it will take me a few months to pay off my credit card debt… I would say 2.5-3 months, but that’s not factoring in my other expenses like insurance and student loans. But if I can get the time off, it would be worth extending the payments if it lets me get to my nephew’s bar mitzvah in December. Even if I can’t bring any major Chanukah presents for the family.

Most of the things I want to get once I have a little money are little things. The bathroom mirror broke – too much motion in the kitchen just above – I bet I can find one that nails in more safely and is small enough to fit the space. New running shoes – the ones I’ve been using since tenth grade are finally wearing down.

If I were to win the lottery between now and November, I know some of the Chanukah presents I’d buy (I think it’s safe to blog this, since the chances of me winning the lottery are slim to none; I’m not spoiling anyone’s surprise). Smithsonian sells kid-size bomber jackets; my youngest nephew would love that, I bet. They also sell these Chihuly bowls – one of my aunts loves Chihuly’s work. Though they also have these cute snowman sculptures she’d like. I’d get my best girlfriend these cute bunny rabbit cartoons I saw at Union Square. I’d get my niece and one of my nephews these graffiti NYC hats I think they’d love, unless I found something so specific to their interests I couldn’t pass it up. Hey, I win the lottery, I can give multiple gifts, right?

These are just things I’ve seen recently that made me think of people. I’ll come up with affordable gifts of some sort or other… and enjoy doing it

I have a new fascination with high schoolers; actually, it extends beyond high schoolers to most people. I’d realized in the past how much school defines our lives, but now that I’m not a stable member of the 9-5 system, I’m more aware than ever how we let it define our lives. We shape our lives around a job and fill in the gaps with social lives or our passions.

But more than our schedules; our identities, our purpose- those are defined for us. I really think this is the defining difference between Aaron’s move to Pittsburgh and mine. He came for school; he’s immediately given an identity, a purpose, a cohort, a goal.

I was always frustrated during school because I was putting off my driving purpose. It’s funny, since now I’m in Pittsburgh, putting off my purpose to get a job; but since I hope to pursue my drive through my job, and I don’t want to overload myself with a million obligations before I have a work schedule- I suppose it makes sense. First things first.

It’s such an odd thing, to have to create your own sense of meaning and purpose. Even just for one day. My sister suggested that if I immediately remind myself of a goal for the day when I wake up, it would help me feel better and have a good day; she was right.

Philosophy has always been relevant to me… but now philosophy has become practical. It’s not just my primary source of intellectual stimulation; it’s part of my struggle to define my own identity, beliefs, lifestyle, and meaning. I don’t agree that we create ourselves, or that we “discover” ourselves; both ideas are too far on the spectrum. In truth, we do both; we’re both nature and nurture. I embrace my continual intellectual, philosophical, and overall growth throughout life; if I ever end up with someone, it will be someone that respects and embraces both my growth and their own, as well.

I think I appreciate Rachel’s frustration with living in the real world better than I did before living on my own. I get tired of being practical. My dives into philosophy are short, periodic escapes into deep thinking. I love my work (just as Rachel loves her teaching), but it engages an entirely different part of my mind than thinking about philosophy does. But that philosophy is guiding changes in my world view, my lifestyle choices, my beliefs. It seems like one of the most pressing things in the world, to keep going, because it’s so innately relevant to how I want to live my life. I wouldn’t be happy with philosophy if I didn’t have a practical outlet; but the same goes for having a practical life and creative job without a philosophical discussion in progress.

… This reminds me of my coach’s feedback after my Collaborative Project, which made me laugh and was very true. I love re-reading it (and I hope she won’t mind my quoting it here):

When I first spoke with you regarding the guidelines for the Collaborative Project, I told you that one major focus would be object-based teaching.

From the other end of the phone I heard a long sigh, followed by “Oh, that’s not going to be easy for me. I am very philosophical.”

Well, congratulations! Your CP was one of the most object-based (and successfully so) museum lessons I have ever witnessed. You have truly worked to achieve what appears to be an actual comfort level with object-based teaching.

I would say that my CP will always remain a defining experience for me. Professionally, I learned how much I can achieve, and my coach did an amazing (wish I had a better adjective!) job guiding me from being able to think both 35-feet-from-above and right-on-the-ground to finding the points in between and connecting the dots. And intellectually, again, learning how to do that- merge the philosophical and the practical- and how to guide my audience to do the same- has permanently changed the way I think, for the better. (I’m telling you, Dad, you should have let me bring that hatchet into your class to help them understand the concept of midrashim!)

Of course, this sounds contradictory with what I said earlier, that philosophy engages an entirely different part of my mind than teaching. Hmmm. Rachel has said that teaching is that way for her because she’s letting the students guide, so it’s less her intellectual struggle and hence less her deep thinking. It might just be that I haven’t done a program that involved such lofty goals as my CP since then. Grants involve some of the same thinking, since you’re trying to argue that funding your program will ultimately have deep impact well beyond the limits of your actual programming. It might also be that philosophy is just beginning to be so practical to me, and so I haven’t become fully aware of the shift in what parts of my mind are engaged.

I decided to take a walk with my camera. I’d been thinking of going to Schenley Park or Squirrel Hill- pretty areas. But in Baltimore I was usually drawn to the underdeveloped areas… and in any case, I haven’t really described the area I live in yet. So I made it a walk around my neighborhood, albeit a brief one (was nearing lunchtime).

Carrick to me is a place of could’ve beens. It’s just ten minutes from the South Side, home to some of the hottest bars; it’s an easy commute from the city, but distant enough across the bridge to feel like suburb. Somehow Carrick just didn’t make it; just never developed. Lawns are rarely mowed, and plants- both native and invasive- grow freely, turning Carrick into a butterfly garden. Little beaten paths try to be streets with names like “Jack Way” before they peter out to gravel and grass. Houses have old front porches whose pillars drop white paint peels. Residents keep an eye on the line between themselves and Mt. Oliver, where life gets a little rougher.

That’s what Carrick symbolizes to me. But what image symbolizes Carrick?

Finally it came to me. As a memory, though the scene was probably only a half mile away; it’s one I passed every day when I took the bus.

Boarded up individual-owned businesses.

In any case, most of my photos ended up being plant life. Had some fun experimenting with close focus and angles. I’ll just pick out a couple photos to give some idea of my neighborhood.

Jack Way- what you see is pretty much the entire thing.

Not much business at the Free Indeed Deliverance Ministries

Queen Anne's Lace is huge in Pittsburgh. With Fall just arriving, there's a lot of green, but also a lot of dying plants.

Plants pretty much rule in Carrick.

I have a thing for locks. $1,000 reward, by the way, for any information on anyone defacing this property belonging to Duquesne Light Company.

Playing with angles.

Shabbat was interesting…. I stayed in Squirrel Hill and I interacted with members of more than one ideological group, plus I started reading Story of B (which has its entirely own approach to considering religion), so I had plenty to fuel the inner mental discussions. There were a lot of people- constantly- but it was good to be in a family atmosphere and I’ll have a hard time not taking overadvantage of the open invitation that I have. One of the daughters is going to end up borrowing most of the contents of my bookcases, I suspect, so I’ll be giving a little bit back :-p

It’s funny…. I OD’ed on bagels last night and that made me wake up a mental wreck (carbs are evil!). And then I get dressed to go to the museum, and everything starts feeling better. And then, throughout the day, everything starts falling into place. First: I got a new job. It pays a bit more, it’s a set schedule, it’s benefited- and it lets me off at 12:15 every day so I can go to the museum. This is especially important because there’s a strong possibility of a part time job at the museum. I was keeping quiet about it til now, but one of the high upon highs spoke to me about it today…. so I think it’s safe to hope. But I won’t talk about it too much til it happens

And I have Shabbat free this week, so I spoke to a friend who is trying to arrange a place for me to stay in Squirrel Hill. I already have a place for lunch, and she’s going to call me back later tonight about the place to stay.

Even at the museum… I was doing research, and bit by bit things started falling into place.

I don’t know how to thank enough the people who have helped me, or even made these things happen. My supervisor at the museum has been amazing. My brother and sister, John- I’ve been leaning on them a lot, and I probably will continue to do so (though I think John and my sister got as many “super excited” emails today as they do when things aren’t going well!) I’m beginning to feel like I have people invested in me, in my achievements and my well-being- and it’s a good feeling. I can only pay them back by doing my best, and by being there when they need the same support they’ve given me- or paying it forward, when that opportunity arises.

Friend of mine: “I like the sound of the word ‘Smithsonian’. It makes me think of a deli counter with lots of great meats and cheeses.”

The response from the Jewish community here has been overwhelming. I haven’t even had a chance to contact all the people who replied to the listserv, and I already came home to almost 30 emails- mostly who heard about me through one person I spoke to last night. It’s making me think a lot more about possibly trying to move to Squirrel Hill… it’s much easier in terms of transportation there, but it’s also more community-oriented, and a safe part of town. We’ll see…. have a while til I can worry about that.

Got the car- some slight complications because I have a MD license, not PA. Hopefully taking care of that tomorrow. But I love the car. It’s silly, isn’t it, how we want to celebrate something that’s already a special occurrence? My celebration was eating a real dinner instead of just soup I can’t tell you how happy I was to finally find Morningstar products at the supermarket! So I guess that’s kind of a double celebration :-p

Bagel shop was okay today. I was very tired and wasn’t working with the friendlier coworkers today.

Very tired now as well- will try to post a more detailed/pleasureable update tomorrow.

PS- Two people have already offered to set me up on shidduchs. I politely responded that my life is a bit too in-flux at the moment for that, but thanked them and promised to keep it in mind.

This morning was spent applying to the Children’s Museum and Phipps Conservatory and Botanic Gardens. Kudos to my sister for spending an hour going over resume and cover letter revisions with me. After I dropped off the Phipps papers, I headed to a supermarket- I’d planned to go to the Farmer’s Market but I needed to be back about 3 to go over dog-sitting details with landlord and the Market didn’t open til 3:30- and then, since I was in Squirrel Hill and had 45 minutes left on my meter, headed to the JCC. They have a lovely photo exhibition about coexistence in the Gallilee. I was sad to see it quiet- a few people in the pool. I stopped at the kosher grocery store on the way back to the car because they have a Help Wanted sign… they gave me an app, but it involves helping in the meat room, and I’m not sure I could handle that.

I also took a minute to read the signs on the Judaica store door. There’s apparently a radio station that runs a Jewish program every Friday, but when I tried it, it didn’t sound like the right thing- maybe they aren’t running it during the Nine Days. I signed up on the United Jewish Federation of Pittsburgh site, the summer seems kind of quiet in terms of events but a few synagogues or Temples have study sessions and I’m thinking about checking them out.

To be honest, I’m really nervous about trying to join the Jewish community here. Pittsburgh is a very inclusive community- had a great talk with Kathy about Pittsburgh being open to its immigrant roots the other day- and I’ve been told that most Jewish communities are more inclusive than the ones I’ve experienced thus far. Mum and Aaron were right- being in Squirrel Hill on Friday, it hit me that it’s Friday, it’s almost Shabbat, and I don’t even think I’m in walking distance of a shul. But walking or driving, I’ve become so used to a fractured community divided by clique titles that I’m scared to even start. So walking over to the JCC was like a dare for me, and going to the first study session will probably be so as well. With the museum community it’s easy- we have so much automatically in common, we have a place to start the conversation- and my views are progressive but not radical. In the Jewish community, I have less faith that I’ll find acceptance. But let’s find out and see. I need friends, and I want to add to my outlets for Jewish exploration, so I’ll find the entry point to the community.