I’m going to start with a few “everyday” updates, then get onto the things I’m thinking about.

I did the bulk of training for the Environmental Education Center. Unfortunately, since I’m full time until November at the museum and the winter is pretty quiet at the EEC, I won’t get many hours besides a few nights and weekends until April. However, it’ll give me time to study. Most of the training is geared towards “how do you teach”, not “what do you teach”…. this is a problem for me, since I know how to teach but don’t have the science knowledge. So I’m going to need to design my own curriculum, somewhat. I don’t think my supervisor really gets that, or appreciates that I have to give priority to the museum. But I’m going to look out for myself.

After training today I went to a picnic. I knew two of my friends were planning to go and I don’t turn down free food. It turned out to be a very small gathering, but I stayed about 2.5 hours and had fun. I’m better at Ultimate Frisbee than I expected… and I definitely made up for the low amount of fat I consume in my normal diet!! And I’m feeling like somehow (okay, fine, because I made it happen) these two girls and I have become a semi-trio, and I’m enjoying that.

It actually felt a little odd to be at the picnic and not really have anything pressing to do. Of course NOW I can think of several things I should have thought of doing afterwards, but I didn’t then….

Oh, a side note, I learned that lettuce doesn’t defrost well.

Okay, we’re up to the things I’m thinking about.

There’s a popular type of article. It’s been around for years. It’s the “how to live and be fulfilled” article. It outlines steps: Eat well and exercise. See friends at least twice a week. Etc, etc. Simple steps that make life seem like an equation anyone can succeed at with the right scheduling.

Admittedly I have stress in my life that can offset the benefits of those things. But I’ve realized, with a little help, that there’s something much more basic that I’m struggling with: I’ve lost track of my passion and my inspiration in the last few weeks. Some of that may be stress, and some is because my priority is to get into the field so that I can then build my way to the kind of work I want to do, but some of it is that neither my passion nor my inspiration were fully defined in the first place.

Since I was a child, I’ve wanted to help people and “save the world”. Sociology introduced me more clearly to “social problems” and my family background grew the belief in me that education is key. I figured out that museums offered a career path and I believed- still do- that museums can be sources of major change, able to do things that schools don’t have the flexibility to do. And I love the work, so that’s a major plus.

I’ve been frustrated because while others seem so impressed with what I’ve achieved, it’s the drive to do more than what I see being done- to step out and do more than just BE inspired, but to INSPIRE and, more, to CREATE change…. that’s what sets one apart and that’s what I haven’t made myself do.

But what’s the change I want to create? My training is audience-centric; I thought I’d learn the audience’s needs and build around that. But who defines the audience? Who defines which need I’m best equipped to help with?

And maybe that’s where my passion comes in. The world is too big, the world has too many problems, to solve every one. But if I find the audience and the need I feel most passionate about- passion doesn’t always equal capability, but passion and inspiration will enable me to get a lot more done- and feel like I’m doing something meaningful- and make me happier- more than anything else could.

And I wonder if inspiration isn’t always related to one’s focus. I’ve never entirely understood the human need for art- even though I’m obsessed with dance and I enjoy other forms of art. But art does inspire me. And maybe dance doesn’t have to be related to my work to still be a source of inspiration. Though sometimes it is- I own a poster of Renoir’s Dance at Bougival specifically because Robert Coles talks about the piece inspiring a family who were living in poverty- I bought it as a reminder to myself, when I was with an institution that wasn’t driven to reach out further to the under-served community.

In any case, I have a lot of thinking to do. But I always welcome opportunities for growth, and I’m taking this as one. In many ways- both thinking about who I am and what I want to do, but also seeking out growth and learning experiences to help me as I think. I’m not sure I’m patient enough to wait until I feel sure- I’m more tempted to “try on” different things and see what feels right. If I can pitch the right ideas, there are so many opportunities from a museum.